Part I
1. Become
genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
Part II
3. Remember a person name
to that person is the sweetest and most
important sound in any language.
4. Be a good
listener. Encourage others to talk
about themselves.
Part III
5. Talk in terms
of the others person’s interest
Each one of us has our own story; we all
have things in our life which bring us
to the edge of our seat. Have ever been
to a NFL football game? Watch the
variety of fans. Just look around the
stadium, some fans scream and shout at
the top of their lungs, literally
frothing at the mouth with emotion.
Others are apathetic, walking around the
stadium, enjoying their hotdog and
Pepsi. These two groups of fans exhibit
different levels of interest, the word
fan actually comes from the word
fanatic. For some, the NFL on Sunday
is actually a religious experience;
their interest level is so high, for
others its just something to do.
What thrills a Cleveland Browns
football fan might bring a yawn to
Oakland Raider’s fan, why? Because the
Cleveland fan is personally involved in
what takes place with the Browns, versus
the Raider’s fan. He has a personal
vested interest, in what happens to the
Browns. We all are interested in our
own story, the things which bring us to
the end of our seat. For some
collecting ancient coins from around the
world, might bring them to the edge of
their seat, for others its seeing rare
butterflies.
We all have different interests,
sometimes our interests cross. This is
why sports can be such a communication
bridge for many, two total strangers
could be sitting on a plane together,
within minutes they become the best of
friends when they realize they are fans
of the same team. Why, because they
share a common interest.
This is a principle in understanding
people; we are interested in the things
which are significant for us. Dale
Carnegie, in How to Win Friends and
Influence People, retells the story
from William Lynn Phelps, professor at
Yale, who learned this principle at the
age of eight. Carnegie retells Phelps’
the story,
“When I was eight years old and spending
a weekend visiting my Aunt Libby Linsley
at her home in Stratford on the
Housatonic,’ he wrote in his essay on
Human Nature, “a middle aged man
called one evening, and after a polite
skirmish with my aunt, he devoted his
attention to me. At that time, I
happened to be excited about boats, and
the visitor discussed the subject in
away that seemed to me particularly
inserting. After he left, I spoke of
him with enthusiasm. What a man! My
aunt informed me he was a New York
lawyer, that cared nothing whatever
about boats,-- that he took not the
slightest interest in the subject. ‘But
why then did he talk all the time about
boats?’
“Because he is a gentleman. He saw you
were interested in boats, and he talked
about the thing he knew would interest
and please you. He made himself
agreeable’”
And William Lyon Phelps added: “I never
forgot my aunt’s remark.”
From a Believers perspective
Paul
understood the principle of talking in
terms of other people’s interest. He
set the example in the city of Athens,
on how to befriend people for the
kingdom of God. Paul arrived in Athens
waiting for Silas and Timothy, while
there Paul went to the marketplace and
synagogues, where people meet and greet
on a daily basis. In the Marketplace,
Paul met Greek philosophers who invite
him to speak at the Areopagus, and tell
them what he believes. It was no
accident he was invited, they were
interested in philosophy, and they heard
Paul speaking about what interested
them.
15 So those who conducted
Paul brought him to Athens; and
receiving a command for Silas and
Timothy to come to him with all speed,
they departed.16 Now while Paul waited
for them at Athens, his spirit was
provoked within him when he saw that the
city was given over to idols.17
Therefore he reasoned in the synagogue
with the Jews and with the Gentile
worshipers, and in the marketplace daily
with those who happened to be there.18
Then certain Epicurean and Stoic
philosophers encountered him. And some
said, "What does this babbler want to
say?" Others said, "He seems to be a
proclaimer of foreign gods," because he
preached to them Jesus and the
resurrection.19 And they took him and
brought him to the Areopagus, saying,
"May we know what this new doctrine is
of which you speak?20 "For you are
bringing some strange things to our
ears. Therefore we want to know what
these things mean."21 For all the
Athenians and the foreigners who were
there spent their time in nothing else
but either to tell or to hear some new
thing.
Acts 17:15-21
This is same principle used in sports
ministry, when a Browns player shares
his faith, someone who is not interested
in Christianity might listen, because
that player crosses his interest in the
Browns.
When Paul begins to speak, he does not
start by speaking from his perspective,
he first draws a bridge to their
interest. He is looking for a common
interest; he bridges their “unknown god”
with the Gospel. His message was
couched in Greek philosophy; Paul looked
for parallels to connect Greek thinking
to the Gospel.
22 Then Paul stood in the
midst of the Areopagus and said, "Men of
Athens, I perceive that in all things
you are very religious;23 "for as I was
passing through and considering the
objects of your worship, I even found an
altar with this inscription: TO THE
UNKNOWN GOD. Therefore, the One whom you
worship without knowing, Him I proclaim
to you:24 "God, who made the world and
everything in it, since He is Lord of
heaven and earth, does not dwell in
temples made with hands.25 "Nor is He
worshiped with men's hands, as though He
needed anything, since He gives to all
life, breath, and all things.26 "And He
has made from one blood every nation of
men to dwell on all the face of the
earth, and has determined their
preappointed times and the boundaries of
their dwellings,27 "so that they should
seek the Lord, in the hope that they
might grope for Him and find Him, though
He is not far from each one of us;28
"for in Him we live and move and have
our being, as also some of your own
poets have said, 'For we are also His
offspring.'29 "Therefore, since we are
the offspring of God, we ought not to
think that the Divine Nature is like
gold or silver or stone, something
shaped by art and man's devising.30
"Truly, these times of ignorance God
overlooked, but now commands all men
everywhere to repent,31 "because He has
appointed a day on which He will judge
the world in righteousness by the Man
whom He has ordained. He has given
assurance of this to all by raising Him
from the dead." .
Acts 17:22-31
Paul main goal was not to win friends
but souls; this is ultimately our
purpose in life, to win souls for the
kingdom of God. As a friend, we can
offer no greater gift, then eternal
life. Paul uses the principle of
speaking to another person’s interest,
to present the gospel, we can learn from
his example. From the response, most
rejected Paul’s message, however there
were those in attendance who joined with
Paul, becoming the foundation of the
church in Athens.
32 And when they heard of
the resurrection of the dead, some
mocked, while others said, "We will hear
you again on this matter."33 So Paul
departed from among them.34 However,
some men joined him and believed, among
them Dionysius the Areopagite, a woman
named Damaris, and others with them.
. Acts
17:32-34
Becoming all things to all people
Just as in sports, as in life there are
different interests. The most
interesting things for people are the
things which mean something to them.
Those who are in the world seek out
people, who have a common interest.
Clubs are a great example, what is the
purpose of a club? The purpose is to
connect a group of people who have a
common interest. There are stamp, coin
and history clubs, there are also ethnic
clubs, and we all belong to a club even
if we don’t have formal membership.
Remember High School, there were “the
Jocks”, “the Stoners”, “Band” and every
other group. These were nothing more
then clubs, groups of people who had a
common interest. Fish swimming in
schools, for their common good.
When we go somewhere and feel
alone, what do we look for? Usually
groups with a common interest, why,
because we feel comfortable. Even
Christians look for Christians, knowing
they share a common bond when someone
knows Christ.
Paul taught and exemplified the
principle of talking to people from
their interest. In First Corinthians,
Paul illustrates the selfless attitude
we should have as followers of Christ.
When we are saved, the whole universe is
our inheritance through Christ. We are
freed from the bondage of this world,
what should we do with our freedom? We
should use our freedom, to minister to
the lost, by joining their “clubs”, and
making their interests our interests, to
bring more to Christ.
Paul defines this principle as “Become
all things to all men” to save
some. To the Jew become a Jew, to the
weak become weak. Approach people from
their interest, so they can hear the
Gospel
19 For though I am free from all men, I
have made myself a servant to all, that
I might win the more; 20 and to the Jews
I became as a Jew, that I might win
Jews; to those who are under the law, as
under the law, that I might win those
who are under the law; 21 to those who
are without law, as without law (not
being without law toward God, but under
law toward Christ), that I might win
those who are without law; 22 to the
weak I became as weak, that I might win
the weak. I have become all things to
all men, that I might by all means save
some. 23 Now this I do for the gospel's
sake, that I may be partaker of it with
you. 24 Do you not know that those who
run in a race all run, but one receives
the prize? Run in such a way that you
may obtain it.
I Corinthians 9:19-24
What is our purpose?
What is the end game of the believer?
One day we will stand before the Lord to
give an account of our lives, not for
salvation but reward. Paul is looking
to that day; he is running life to
receive the prize. Those in the world
think the world is their prize; our job
is to point them to Christ. We do this
by coming to their level, and speaking
from their interest.
6. Make the other person feel
important—sincerely
Do
you remember the story of The Ugly
Duckling by Hans Christian
Anderson? In the story, a mother
duck hatches a large egg, with a strange
looking duck. Because the “duck” is
different then the rest, he is mocked by
the other animals. Even his own
brothers and sister ducks make fun of
him. He then flees, and finds refuge in
a farm house with a lady, hen and cat.
They also make fun of him, telling him
how little he matters, how insignificant
he really is.
Finally realizing he can fly he
flies off alone, he sees beautiful swans
in the distance. The swans come out to
meet him. He figures they will kill him
because he is so ugly, so he tells them
to kill him, he figures it was better to
die from the swans then the other
animals. However when he saw his
reflection in the water, he realized he
too was a swan. Just like these royal
creatures who swam out to meet and greet
him, not kill him. He was welcomed and
become part of the group.
The world is full of ugly ducklings;
we just don’t know we are beautiful
swans. The world tells people they
are ugly ducklings, while God’s word
tells us we are beautiful swans, made in
the image of God. The world says we are
unimportant and don’t matter, God tells
us we are so important, and matter so
much that He, God, was willing to come
to earth and die for our sins so we may
have eternal life.
When we are saved, and
know Jesus Christ, only then can we know
our true identity. Only then do we know
we are really swans and not ugly
ducklings. God then gives us a
wonderful task; we can help all the
other ugly ducklings know they are
swans. Satan wants us to feel, we are
nothing and worthless, he wants us to
strive for the world to accept us by
being “someone”. This is the lie Satan
entraps so many people with, they think
if they gain the world its going to
really matter.
We can make a difference
Everybody wants and desires to be
important, and they are. However are
importance does not come from Who we
are? What we have? or What we can do?
Our importance is based on our Creator,
we are made in his image. If we value
others, because the Lord values them, we
can let each person know they are a
royal swan and not an ugly duckling.
Dale Carnegie relates the following
stories about letting people know they
matter from a teacher in one of his
classes. He writes,
Chris was a very quiet,
shy boy lacking in self-confidence, the
kind of student that often does not
receive the attention he deserves. I
also teach an advanced class that had
grown to be somewhat of a status symbol
and a privilege for a student to have
earned the right to be in it.
On Wednesday, Chris
was diligently working at his desk. I
really felt there was a hidden fire deep
inside him. I asked Chris if he would
like to be in the advanced class. How I
wish I could express the look in Chris’s
face, the emotions in that shy
fourteen-year-old boy, trying to hold
back his tears.
“Who me, Mr. Rowland?
Am I good enough?”
“Yes, Chris you are
good enough”
I had to leave at that
point because tears were coming to my
eyes. As Chris walked out of class that
day, seemingingly two inches taller, he
looked at me with bright blue eyes and
said in a positive voice, “Thank you,
Mr. Rowland.”
Chris taught me a
lesson I will never forget—our deep
desire to feel important. To help me
never forget this rule, I made a sign
which reads, “YOU ARE IMPORTANT.” This
sign hangs in the front of the classroom
for all to see and to remind me that
each student I face is equally
important.
Just like Chris in the
story above, we all want to feel
important, its part of nature to be
significant. However only though our
eternal relationship in Christ, can we
ever find the answer to this deep
longing.
We as followers of Christ,
have the power to let people know they
matter, they do count.
1 Behold what manner of
love the Father has bestowed on us, that
we should be called children of God!
Therefore the world does not know us,
because it did not know Him. 2 Beloved,
now we are children of God; and it has
not yet been revealed what we shall be,
but we know that when He is revealed, we
shall be like Him, for we shall see Him
as He is. 3 And everyone who has this
hope in Him purifies himself, just as He
is pure. I John 3:1-3
What an awesome job we
have, we have the opportunity of letting
a lost and dying world of ugly ducklings
know they are beautiful swans. So when
we talk and meet people, lets think of
them as fellow swans, who Jesus Christ
died for.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
1. Become genuinely
interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember a person name
to that person is the sweetest and most
important sound in any
language.
4. Be a good listener.
Encourage others to talk about
themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the
others person’s interest
6. Make the other person
feel important—sincerely
